#9. I Love You Like a Brother

For the record, I don’t like hearing those words.Unfortunately, I’m young, and I’m only getting older, meaning that I’m probably going to hear those words a lot in the coming years. But what can you do? There’s no chemistry, and the girl probably thinks you’re sweet but you don’t really float her boat. That sucks big time.

I went to church for the first time in four months yesterday. To be completely honest, the peace that pervaded my soul yesterday was sth I’ve not felt for a very, very long time. It was as if the day had been planned just for me, as if they knew I was coming. Impossible really, seeing that it was a church I’d never been to before. That was my first time there, and I don’t know when I’ll go back. An elderly man spoke to the entire church during Bible study, and his focus was on the youth (as usual). But this time the words coming out of his mouth were so relevant and on point that I couldn’t help but shuffle a bit on my seat.

I was seated at the back, so I knew he couldn’t possibly be targeting me. But it was so uncanny to hear that old , battle hardened man speak with so much conviction and so much clarity on an issue that has been plaguing me for weeks now. His topic was on us (the youth) being autonomous and responsible for ourselves.

“We’re alone in this world. Ever since that umbilical cord was cut, you have been going through the motions of separation and  self awareness. Learn to be your own person. You are the only person who can define yourself. You do this by your actions. Who told you you need that someone so that you can live? No one! No one at all! I don’t understand why you young people jump out tall buildings and cut each other up just because of a fling. If she doesn’t love you, don’t beat yourself up over it. It’s her loss, not yours. In fact, right now you should be focusing on your future. Get the necessary papers, build a strong and firm foundation, and then you’ll see how they’ll come running.”

He didn’t say it exactly like that, but I wasn’t taking notes and I really do not have a photographic memory. These are just but some of the words that swept through my young and severely confused mind. The man spoke a lot of sense, and he went on for five more minutes. I can’t remember all that he said, but I was desperately trying to act like he wasn’t talking directly to me. Of course there had to be other people like me in that church, but we all acted so well that no one was the wiser.

We spend a lot of energy and other resources, burning the midnight oil on the phone. You would think we were discussing weighty issues that are going to affect the world. This is so far removed from the truth that I can’t help but laugh at myself. I’ve spent many hours engaging in frivolous talk, talking about nothing and laughing all the time. It’s enjoyable, but all just a waste of time. Sometimes I fear rendering an account of how I spent my time on earth to God. But it’s not too late.

When you get the “I love you like a brother talk”, this advice is going to be the last thing that you would want to listen to. No one wants to be told to hold their horses, to wait until the right time. I hear you. Completely. I’ve been there. Heck, I’m still there!

But I know sound advice when I hear it. There’s so much to be done in this world, we simply cannot afford to beat ourselves up over a failed romance.It’s painful, but you just have to man up and pick up the pieces.
After reading all this you might think I’m strong willed and all that crap. You’d be shocked to know that when I went home I listened to this famous song (video below), and felt miserable.

But in the final analysis, I discovered that I wasn’t even ready for a relationship, I just wanted someone to talk with. I also found these captions while reading a book, messages to young people, by Ellen White:

“The young want just what they have not; namely, religion. Nothing can take the place of this”.

“Love is a plant of heavenly origin. It is not unreasonable; it is not blind. It is pure and holy. But the passion of the natural heart is another thing altogether. While pure love will take God into all its plans, and will be in perfect harmony with the spirit of God, passion will be headstrong, rash, unreasonable, defiant of all restraint, and will make the object of its choice an idol.”

“While you may love, do not love blindly”.

Feeling very embarrassed and slightly miffed, I went to sleep, knowing that we don’t really know the meaning of love. We term passion love and love we call sth else. I don’t know what is in store for me down the road, but at least now I know the difference between passion and love. And I know that I’m in way over head when it comes to matters of the heart. So I’ll just bid my time and wait. Wait to become better acquainted.Wait to appreciate what God has in store for me.

But, true to my youthful heart, I really don’t want to wait that long!!!

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