There was a time when bloggers making excuses for posting irregularly used to put me off. I’d shake my head and promise to be different. Oh, how the tables have turned! I won’t apologize for the dry spell though. I’ve been juggling many things, and that has made me extremely conservative with my energy and focus. However, it is that time of the year, when I mark another notch on the wall and declare myself older, wiser and better. Only time will tell if I’m right or not.
To say that I feel different would be an underestimation. Numerous experiences in my 23rd year of life have served to shape me (I want to say positively, but the jury is still out on that). I’m no longer uncertain over some basic building blocks of my worldview. Science and logic constitute a huge chunk of my foundation, and I have no regrets for taking this approach. Embracing change, being prepared for it and exerting my will in an attempt to make life easier no longer feel guilty or manipulative.
I’m firmly on course to achieving some of my most precious and yearned for goals, such as getting into business, designing, refining and expanding a system that gives me the freedom to enjoy life as an adult. Every day is a struggle filled with multiple challenges, but the challenges give life meaning. It almost feels like a game, and the absence of a real safety net makes it even more exhilarating than any video game I’ve come across. I realize now that I’m at a defining moment in my life, and the actions and decisions I make in the months to come will determine how smoothly my transition into the 30 yr old age bracket will be. I’m a firm believer in influencing events around us to produce the outcomes we’re looking for, and trusting an external agent/third party to do this is unpalatable.
Women are as complicated as ever. I’ve had a few successes and a similar (if not more) number of failures. Oh well, such is life. However, I can feel my prospects improving with every passing day. Something has changed, and they can feel it. I can see it in their eyes. I’m not worried anymore or frustrated at unrequited love. It almost feels like a math problem whose solution is in the student’s head and only a few lines away from materializing on paper. It’s coming.
Getting the foundation right is a work in progress. I’m optimistic that I have laid down some solid building blocks. There’s a lot of work cut out for me, and many pitfalls to avoid. How I navigate these murky waters will determine how successful my ideas and vision will be in the long term. I won’t touch the philosophical issues of why I need to be successful in the first place, and whether there’s any meaning in trying to be anything at all. I’m here now, that’s what matters.
In the final analysis, I’m more cynical, logical and ruthless than I was a year ago. However, the soft, vulnerable and mushy side of me still exists, lurking beneath the surface. It wants to come out and play but is waiting for the green light from Battle HQs, a place full of realism and cold, hard logic. How that portrays me to the world is a question for the ages. To turning 24!